Hello readers,
Thank you for opening this email. It’s been a while, hasn’t it? It seems like the last few times I’ve tried to start a newsletter, I’ve only gotten a few weeks in until life has swallowed me whole. When the days start to get busy or overwhelming, writing and the newsletter is the first thing I give up. I disappear from the scene for a while, only to reemerge from the depths, trying to catch my breath. All is a blur, I wonder where all the time went, and why I didn’t get to write as much as I wanted to.
To be fair, I have been writing, but I haven’t been sharing words in this space. Much of my writing has been for the Artcraft Theatre, my 9-5 job, and occasional scribbles in my journal and notebook.
Besides being busy, the thing that largely keeps me from writing and sharing my work is perfectionism. I look at my writing, see all of its flaws, and how I am not like the other writers I love. I get discouraged and never hit send. The feeling in me wants to send something polished, perfect, and eloquent every time.
Of course, there is something to be said for good writing and wanting to produce good work. But constantly second-guessing every word, the weight of perfection leaning heavily on my creativity and keeping me from doing the work in the first place… that feels far worse than writing something imperfect.
I have to keep up this practice of writing, even when I know it will not always be the best piece I’ve ever written. I am afraid to hit send even on this email because I know the edges are rough.
So between the business and the perfectionism, it’s been hard to show up here. But I miss this space, and I need to carve out the time to write, share, and be creative. Plus, a lot of beautiful transitions are in the making, and I think this will be a beautiful way to document the journey.
For example, here are a few pieces of news that I am excited to share: I’m newly engaged to my now-fiancé Caleb. It’s wonderful and joyous and beautiful and a little surreal all at the same time. I’m moving out of my little apartment within the next month and into a house where we are going to make our first home. It’s the busiest time of the year for my 9-5 job, I'm doing some awesome freelance work for local businesses I am passionate about, and I have a lot of ideas for food and conversation that I want to begin in this little community I live in.
Because I haven’t been writing, I can see how it has affected my overall thinking and being. My mind is foggy and I can’t get my words across in the right way most of the time. And once I do try to write again, it’s rough, my words feel forced and I am unsatisfied. Because the practice hasn’t been constant, the words are a little shy. They need attention, quiet, and a consistent routine on the page for them to show up and be present.
Needless to say, I feel like I am bouncing from one task to the next, and without intention — stopping to write some of this down — I won’t savor this particular unique time in life and it will all go by like a blur. I’m hoping this can be a space for slowing down enough to digest and talk about the moments, transitions, the love that needs to be savored like sweet summer honey.
Over the winter, I’ve felt a deep fire inside myself. It’s grown and grown even though over the past couple of months, I’ve tried to keep expectations low, slow, and restful. But spring is on the horizon, change is on the horizon, and this fire inside me needs attention. The words are there, they just need time to breathe.
And before I end this long rant, I want to share why I am doing this here. I could just scribble in my notebooks, keeping things private like I always do, but there is something to be said about sharing during times of growth, transition, and change. I hope venerability builds connection and community. Sharing here can allow you to see how life is messy and imperfect but still beautiful, despite the edited square images and polished 2,220 character captions we see on other social platforms.
Also, don’t think I am leaving food out of it. Cooking, eating, and scouting for local produce will still have a space here. I think food is a good vessel to talk about life and love and change — I want this to be like we are all sitting around a table, sharing a meal, and talking about life.
If you are here to stay for a while, thank you. If you decide to unsubscribe, thanks to you, too. (My writing isn’t for everyone, and that is okay.)
So here is to a writing practice and a sharing practice.
Thank you for being here.
I so loved reading this Megan. Thank you for articulating so tenderly how vulnerable writing and sharing your thoughts can feel - I feel that too. I'm really glad to have stumbled across your words and will really look forward to reading more. Also big big congratulations!!! I hope the house move and nesting and nestling into this new phase in life goes really really well!